Steve's Blog Part Ho Ho Ho

Well, it's a special Christmas Eve edition of Steve's Blog. I'd love to say that we have several special guests stars, or a touching tribute to someone, or moving passages that will make your heart do funny things. But alas, 'tis not to be. We leave those things to other people who are not Steve of Steve's Blog. On this blog, we concentrate on what we do best, which is plop down a couple of random thoughts as we compose our blog late on a Monday night.

And now, this week's Christmas-themed joke: What was Santa's nickname as a baby? Santa Crawls. As in the famous song: "Santa Crawls is trying to escape from the living room to the kitchen because the gate is open". What, you never heard that song"? Well, just you wait, baby, just you wait.

Well, tonight, me and the fam (that's slang for family) went looking at Christmas lights. But you are Jewish, you say! I didn't say that, you say. I know, I made it up, I say. Anyway, we enjoy looking at Christmas lights. Ideally, a real estate ad to lure a Jewish person to buy a house would say, "You will leave near other Jewish people, but you will also be close to good Christmas lights, too." I think I speak for all Jewish people when I say that this is true. How can you speak for all Jewish people, you say? Well, it's very easy, I say. Sweeping generalizations are great, especially when there is no one else there to immediately rebuke (this week's SAT word) me. So there you have it!

Well, it's time to wrap things up (get it, wrap things up, you know, presents, wrap). Until next time, be safe.

Next week: New Year's Eve--Right Wing Conspiracy or Liberal Claptrap! You decide!

Steve's Blog Part Hmmm

Twas the week before Christmas
And all through the blog
Not a comment was stirring
Not even a frog? (well, it rhymed, didn't it?)

The paragraphs were started
By Steve with care
In hopes that new sentences
Would soon be there

Well some had jokes
and some had observations
But all were made
With careful contemplation

And now it's time
for this week's joke
What tastes worse
Than Diet Coke?

The answer is
So plain to see
It's a Diet Coke
That's Caffeine Free

Well, you say
That joke really sucked
If fact, you can
Go get... a drink of water

Hey, this is a family blog
you say
Ok, then, I say
Then let us pray

In this season of blogs
Let's all be at peace
And now it's time
For this blog to cease

And coming up
Next week
How to go
From Geek to Chic!

Steve's Blog Part Latke

Happy Holidays everyone! May the spirit of this blog bring you closer to checking your email again... at this special time of year.

Well, once again, last week's blog, although not mentioned on Oprah, was well received by some high quality individuals and also by some well known collective consciousnesses in this and other realms. If you don't know what that means, that's ok, I don't think that I do either.

And now, this week's joke, which received the official Gradess extended family approval at last Saturday's Chanukah party as sister Lisa's house, and it goes a little something like this: Last week I gave a donation to an organization that helps out physicians who only live near a Barnes & Noble called.... Doctors Without Borders (Can't you hear that Gradess extended family laughter in your ears!)

And now for this week's Chanukah update, a weekly feature that only appears in this week's blog: Yes, Chanukah-palooza 2008 was held last Saturday at Lis and Bob and Melissa's house in Medford New Jersey. Their address is 555 CLearlyNotARealAdressLane, Fictiontown, NJ 55555.

And now, answers to your FAQ's about this Chanukah party:
Were there Latke's? Yep.
Was there Lox? Yep.
Was there Whitefish Salad? Yep.
Were there Bagels? Yep.
Was there Cream Cheese? Yep.
Was there Jewish Apple Cake? Yep.
Was there a birthday cake for Pop-Pop? Yep.
Were there Chanukah presents? Yep.
Was there a Polyanna with the adults, with present stealing involved? Yep.
Did Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop stay for the 11 O'Clock news? Nope, they had another party to go to.
Did Steve and Svetlana stay for dinner? Nope, they had a party to go to.
Did Bev and Rick stay until twilight? Nope, they went home to.
Is this more info than you wanted to know about this party? Yep.
Should I end the blog now? Yep.

Well that wraps up this edition of Monday Night FootBlog. Until next time, be well (Ommm!)

Next week: The hidden grammar mistakes inside your favorite songs, like "Me and Julio down by the schoolyard."

Steve's Blog Part-aaayy!

Well, welcome to December, blog readers. December is a special time for blogging, because the blog spirit is especially strong this time of year. Especially if you are looking for some new Christmas shoes (inside joke).

And now, reviews from last week:
"I was proud to be the star of your Blog"--Sister Lisa
"You outdid yourself. I laughed out loud"--co-worker
"Very funny, schmoo"--the wifey

And now, this week's joke: I tried to get in touch with my inner child the other day, and it hung up on me.--Bah dum bum!

And now, the topic for this week's blog was suggested by one of our readers. He suggested that I talk about the Jet Stream oven. Well, I don't know much about the Jet Stream Oven, but I will tell you what I know. I know that it can cook stuff faster, cleaner and more efficient than a normal oven. And if you call within the next 10 minutes, you can purchase a Jet Stream Oven at a fraction of the cost of other ovens that contain the words "Jet", "Stream" and "Oven". You can also use your Jet Stream Oven for a guided meditation. Picture your Jet Stream Oven in a beautiful field, surrounded by colorful wildflowers swaying in the breeze. The sun beats down on your Jet Stream Oven like a bright, but not too hot, summer day. Let your Jet Stream Oven breathe in and out, focusing on its breathe. Lay back on the hot ground with your Jet Stream Oven and let you mind be emptied of all of the clutter of this work-a-day world. Then, dance around with your Jet Stream Oven to a joyous song, like Sheryl Crow's "I wanna soak up the sun." Then, drift slowly off to sleep.................................zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Have a peaceful week, faithful readers and users of the Jet Stream Oven!

Next week: How to Lose a Week and a Half in Ten Days!

Love,

Steve