Okay, let's get right to it, it's Steve's Holiday Spectacular. We've got a lot to get to, so let's go right to our sideline reporter Frank Young. "Frank, is it true that you'll probably stay with Steve's Blog for three or four years or so and then get your own blog, or worse, try your own sitcom?"
"That's right, Steve. You've hit the nail on the head on that hot button topic. Even now, as I say each word, I am painstakingly plotting and preparing to leave your blog."
"Well I do appreciate your candor, Frank. And now on to Jane Thompson, who has a real report for us."
"Thank you, Steve. I am standing here in front of a mall, and, even at this hour, the mall is still open. I could interview someone, Steve, but inevitabley they would just say the same old stuff people always say at this time of year--so I'll just send it back to you, Steve."
"Jane you ignorant reporter. Don't you realize that the mindless person at the mall interview is a staple of Holiday Time news. Without it, the whole fabric of society would break down. Even now, as I am looking at a picture of me and my two older sisters, my oldest sister is already starting to disappear. AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHH."
"This is Kevin Santana stepping in for a moment. I'm at home in my cozy bed sipping some hot chocolate while my cameraman is in front of police headquarters following a rapidly developing story. The upshot is..."
"What, you're not out there live, too. What is this, a revolt? Now the floorboards are starting to break. WAAAAAAAHHHHH!"
"Hello, Mary Caldwell here for a quick look at traffice on the 2 1/2's. As you can see from the traffic cameras, things are pretty congested on the interstate tonight. But me, I'm checking on the situation from my WiFi Internet connection over at Panera Bread, where I've just ordered a Bread Bowl and a gourmet carbonated beverage. Later, I think I'll get a muffin, and perhaps..."
"Panera Bread! Panera Bread! You've got to be kidding me. I'm melting. Melting. Melting..."
AND NOW THE LAST WORD FROM ANDY ROOKNEE: "It's pretty sad when newsmen start melting on camera. Growing up in Rural Countryland, thoughts of metlting newsmen on wacky newscasts was the furthest thing from our mind. Finding some nice berries to pick, or resting under the shade of a nice tree--that was more like it. Nowadays..."
ON THE NEXT ENCORE PRESENTATION OF EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND...
Happy Holidays everyone!
Monday, December 22, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
Steve's Blog Part "Joke"
Today I came up with a joke so good I think it is worthy of being my entire blog, so it can stand on its own as a really good joke.
So here it goes. And I invite your feedback as to whether or not this joke was really worthy of being my entire blog, other than the filler I am typing right now.
So here it goes for real this time:
There is a new Health Insurance plan for people who get stranded on a lagoon.
It's called "Blue Cross, Brooke Shields".
Well, there you have it. Have a good week everyone, and remember this week's inspiration quote: It is only in the darkness that we see the beauty of Christmas lights. (Oooh, deep)
So here it goes. And I invite your feedback as to whether or not this joke was really worthy of being my entire blog, other than the filler I am typing right now.
So here it goes for real this time:
There is a new Health Insurance plan for people who get stranded on a lagoon.
It's called "Blue Cross, Brooke Shields".
Well, there you have it. Have a good week everyone, and remember this week's inspiration quote: It is only in the darkness that we see the beauty of Christmas lights. (Oooh, deep)
Monday, December 1, 2008
Steve's Blog Part "Stream of Consciousness"
Every once in a while it is fun just to do a story right off of ze cuff. So here goes.
One day a man is walking along and suddenly he sees something out of the corner of his eye. He looks, but he is confused about what he sees. He goes into a state of shock, and it is only through the grace of some neon lights in the distance that he regains his mojo. He picks up his cell phone and dials one of his closest confidants, a man with whom he has had many adventures. A man so fine they can't even call him Crackerjack, for fear of fear itself. A man so chock full of goodness he could be a candy bar. A man with a plan so fierce he could be a tiger, the kind you would see on Safari or something.
Ok, it is time to take a break from our story to put in some fishies for dinner tomorrow. I'll be back in a minute. Ok, I'm back. I set my alarm for precisely 10:54 PM. We'll see if I finish this blog before the fishies are done. And now back to the story.
What these men didn't know was that far across the desert plains, in that place that has a lot of deserts, another man was thinking about something that could change the force of history. But unfortunately, this narrator was not privy to that information. We tried to talk the man into telling us, but he wouldn't budge. So, just to spite him, he is cut out of this story.
Let that be a lesson to all of you. Give it up for the narrator, or out of the story you go. Anyway, where were we. Oh yeah, it was now 3 in the afternoon, much later than it had been before. This is significant only insofar as that time was still a factor in this equation. If time had stopped, it would be a completely different story altogether.
By now, some of you will quit reading the blog after this sentence. For those who wish to continue, here's more of the story.
Sally, a person about whom we have not heard yet in this story, could in fact be the story's most important person, because it is she alone who knows 150 gifts to get any woman that will be a surefire bet. She also knows how to get the best pair of shoes at a great price. And she also knows that Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner--because she saw Dirty Dancing, back in the day.
Even more of you have now given up on this blog. For the two of you who still remain, here is the final chapter in the story.
Finally, all of the main characters would meet in a place that they wouldn't have expected to meet--a Mailboxes Etc. store. It was there that the briefcases were exchanged, as well as pleasantries, some recipes, as well as business cards. Some even exchanged phone numbers. Some even promised to check out each other's Facebook accounts. All went as planned, and everyone lived to see another day.
By now, surely everyone has tired of this blog and has moved on. So surely these last couple sentences are purely for my own enjoyment.
Steve, I've known you all my life. You make me laugh, you make me cry, but through it all, you've stood by--well, actually you've stood in the exact same spot as me, because you are me. What I'm trying to say is, Steve, I couldn't have done it without you. And don't you forget it.
Ooh, the fishies alarm just went off. Ok, ta ta for now.
One day a man is walking along and suddenly he sees something out of the corner of his eye. He looks, but he is confused about what he sees. He goes into a state of shock, and it is only through the grace of some neon lights in the distance that he regains his mojo. He picks up his cell phone and dials one of his closest confidants, a man with whom he has had many adventures. A man so fine they can't even call him Crackerjack, for fear of fear itself. A man so chock full of goodness he could be a candy bar. A man with a plan so fierce he could be a tiger, the kind you would see on Safari or something.
Ok, it is time to take a break from our story to put in some fishies for dinner tomorrow. I'll be back in a minute. Ok, I'm back. I set my alarm for precisely 10:54 PM. We'll see if I finish this blog before the fishies are done. And now back to the story.
What these men didn't know was that far across the desert plains, in that place that has a lot of deserts, another man was thinking about something that could change the force of history. But unfortunately, this narrator was not privy to that information. We tried to talk the man into telling us, but he wouldn't budge. So, just to spite him, he is cut out of this story.
Let that be a lesson to all of you. Give it up for the narrator, or out of the story you go. Anyway, where were we. Oh yeah, it was now 3 in the afternoon, much later than it had been before. This is significant only insofar as that time was still a factor in this equation. If time had stopped, it would be a completely different story altogether.
By now, some of you will quit reading the blog after this sentence. For those who wish to continue, here's more of the story.
Sally, a person about whom we have not heard yet in this story, could in fact be the story's most important person, because it is she alone who knows 150 gifts to get any woman that will be a surefire bet. She also knows how to get the best pair of shoes at a great price. And she also knows that Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner--because she saw Dirty Dancing, back in the day.
Even more of you have now given up on this blog. For the two of you who still remain, here is the final chapter in the story.
Finally, all of the main characters would meet in a place that they wouldn't have expected to meet--a Mailboxes Etc. store. It was there that the briefcases were exchanged, as well as pleasantries, some recipes, as well as business cards. Some even exchanged phone numbers. Some even promised to check out each other's Facebook accounts. All went as planned, and everyone lived to see another day.
By now, surely everyone has tired of this blog and has moved on. So surely these last couple sentences are purely for my own enjoyment.
Steve, I've known you all my life. You make me laugh, you make me cry, but through it all, you've stood by--well, actually you've stood in the exact same spot as me, because you are me. What I'm trying to say is, Steve, I couldn't have done it without you. And don't you forget it.
Ooh, the fishies alarm just went off. Ok, ta ta for now.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Steve's Blog Part "Thanksgiving"
And now, some short stories to inspire you at this time of year.
A man met a stranger who was kind to him. He realized later that the stranger was really someone famous. He felt very surprised and grateful.
A Mother's Hope
A mother had gone through a difficult time with her children. She felt thankful for her children.
The End.
The Kindness of Strangers
A man met a stranger who was kind to him. He realized later that the stranger was really someone famous. He felt very surprised and grateful.
The End.
Flat Tires
A man had a flat tire. While he was changing the tire, he thought of all the good things in his life. He felt very good.
The End.
The Candy Store
A man went into a candy store and was looking confused. A child, who didn't have a lot of money, thought the man couldn't afford any candy and offered to buy him some. What a kid!
The End.
The Christmas Shoos
A man gets shooed away by some people because he doesn't look very well groomed. Then, one of the people gets to talk to him and realizes he's a very kind, wise man. All ends well, and everyone learns a valuable lesson.
The End.
A Chanukah Miracle
The TiVo, which was only supposed to hold the show in memory for one more day, holds it for eight more days. It's a Miracle!
The End.
The Coin
A man is trying to shut down a UHF station. A beggar asks him for a coin. The coin turns out to be worth $2,000 and helps save the station. Wait, that's from a movie!... Why I oughta!
The End.
The End of The Blog
A man finishes writing his blog. His family generally likes it. One guy is a bit sarcastic about it, but in a fun way. Another guy has to say again why he really didn't like it. Life goes on.
The End.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Steve's Blog Part "All Veterans Eve"
It was the night before Veterans Day, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except me doing this blog.
So anyway, let's take some calls.
We have Caller #1 on the line from Somewhere, USA:
Caller #1: Yes, Steve, what are your predictions for the upcoming election?
Steve: I think you're a bit late there honey. But don't be surprised it Barack Obama pulls it out at the last second.
Caller #2: Steve, my dahling, lawng time reader, first time cawler. So what are you going to be for Halloween this year?
Steve: Hmm. Very strange. Did you realize that Halloween has already passed.
Caller#2: Yep. I was just messing with ya.
Steve: Ok, then, cuz. See ya later. These people.
Caller#3: Could you see yourself being a mirror salesman? Get it? See yourself! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Steve: I'm sorry, but I don't believe you were really asking a question there. You seemed to be telling some sort of joke. Now that you've confused me, on to the next caller.
Caller#4: Who are your comic influences?
Steve: Martin Lawrence and Joey Lawrence. Sheh-nay-nay! Woah! Oh, they crack me up.
Caller#5: Growing up, did you somehow feel that something was missing?
Steve: Yes, I've been upset ever since the guy with the high voice left Supertramp.
Caller#6: Is it true that fools rush in where angels fear to tread?
Steve: Yes.
Caller#7: When all is said and done...
Steve: We're done.
So anyway, let's take some calls.
We have Caller #1 on the line from Somewhere, USA:
Caller #1: Yes, Steve, what are your predictions for the upcoming election?
Steve: I think you're a bit late there honey. But don't be surprised it Barack Obama pulls it out at the last second.
Caller #2: Steve, my dahling, lawng time reader, first time cawler. So what are you going to be for Halloween this year?
Steve: Hmm. Very strange. Did you realize that Halloween has already passed.
Caller#2: Yep. I was just messing with ya.
Steve: Ok, then, cuz. See ya later. These people.
Caller#3: Could you see yourself being a mirror salesman? Get it? See yourself! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Steve: I'm sorry, but I don't believe you were really asking a question there. You seemed to be telling some sort of joke. Now that you've confused me, on to the next caller.
Caller#4: Who are your comic influences?
Steve: Martin Lawrence and Joey Lawrence. Sheh-nay-nay! Woah! Oh, they crack me up.
Caller#5: Growing up, did you somehow feel that something was missing?
Steve: Yes, I've been upset ever since the guy with the high voice left Supertramp.
Caller#6: Is it true that fools rush in where angels fear to tread?
Steve: Yes.
Caller#7: When all is said and done...
Steve: We're done.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Steve's Blog Part "Election"
Well, the Presidential election is tomorrow. We all know what's at stake. Evidently, both Senators McCain and Obama have realized that Steve's Blog is the only bit of possible advertising space that they have not touched in this campaign. And, my friends, just to spite me for that, they each want to take over Steve's Blog right away, even though the election will be over tomorrow.
But I have very persuasive arguments as to why I should remain at the helm of Steve's Blog.
If Senator McCain is elected as President of Steve's Blog, he will, for the first time, make you pay for reading Steve's Blog. I think that is unconscionable. He will also put a freeze on all new ideas in Steve's Blog. And while it is true that I don't come up with new ideas very often, on the off chance that I should come up with some great ideas, I think that is "that word that I said before". Also, all blogs would have to be pre-screened by Sarah Palin before they were posted. If she didn't get the joke, it wouldn't be allowed to be printed. You know what havoc that would cause.
And if Senator Obama took over Steve's Blog, he would tax all blogs over 250 words. Now it is true that many of my blogs are short. But that doesn't mean I shouldn't have the freedom to make my blog as long as I want! And furthermore, if my blog is long and well-written, Senator Obama proposes to take some of my blog and share it with other less-fortunate blogs whose writers may not be as skilled or as fortunate as I. And finally, he will play the race car and force all blogs to be about NASCAR (What, it's not the race car? Oh, never mind)
Ralph Nader, I believe, is also running for President of Steve's Blog. He thinks that Steve's Blog is wasteful and is not good for the environment. He wants to shut Steve's Blog down outright, without so much as a warning. But just because Steve's Blog is usually written between 10 and 11 O'Clock at night on a Monday, doesn't mean it's not a literary masterpiece every time! One that lifts the human spirit! And takes the country on its back! And rides the wave of cliche right into the next millenium-century-era-period-of-times-of-war-and-inequality-and-lots-of-other-stuff!
So on November 4, (or whenever), vote for Steve to continue as the leader of Steve's Blog. And help keep this country Gradess!
I'm Steve, and I approved this blog.
But I have very persuasive arguments as to why I should remain at the helm of Steve's Blog.
If Senator McCain is elected as President of Steve's Blog, he will, for the first time, make you pay for reading Steve's Blog. I think that is unconscionable. He will also put a freeze on all new ideas in Steve's Blog. And while it is true that I don't come up with new ideas very often, on the off chance that I should come up with some great ideas, I think that is "that word that I said before". Also, all blogs would have to be pre-screened by Sarah Palin before they were posted. If she didn't get the joke, it wouldn't be allowed to be printed. You know what havoc that would cause.
And if Senator Obama took over Steve's Blog, he would tax all blogs over 250 words. Now it is true that many of my blogs are short. But that doesn't mean I shouldn't have the freedom to make my blog as long as I want! And furthermore, if my blog is long and well-written, Senator Obama proposes to take some of my blog and share it with other less-fortunate blogs whose writers may not be as skilled or as fortunate as I. And finally, he will play the race car and force all blogs to be about NASCAR (What, it's not the race car? Oh, never mind)
Ralph Nader, I believe, is also running for President of Steve's Blog. He thinks that Steve's Blog is wasteful and is not good for the environment. He wants to shut Steve's Blog down outright, without so much as a warning. But just because Steve's Blog is usually written between 10 and 11 O'Clock at night on a Monday, doesn't mean it's not a literary masterpiece every time! One that lifts the human spirit! And takes the country on its back! And rides the wave of cliche right into the next millenium-century-era-period-of-times-of-war-and-inequality-and-lots-of-other-stuff!
So on November 4, (or whenever), vote for Steve to continue as the leader of Steve's Blog. And help keep this country Gradess!
I'm Steve, and I approved this blog.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Steve's Blog Part "World Series"
So the Phils are going to the World Series against the Tampa Bay Rays. Should be a fun series. But, in this political season, the question, for the country as a whole, of which team to root for, turns out to be a complicated one.
At first glance, it would seem that people who normally root for the National League should root for the Phillies, and people who typically root for the American League should cheer for the Rays.
Ah, but it is not so simple. Unlike the election, we can't just divide states up into Phillies states and Rays states. It is way more complicated than that.
For example, one girl at work is a Mets fan, and Mets fans don't like the Phillies. So for her, her anti-Phillies sentiments are stronger than her pro-National League sentiments, so she will be rooting more against the Phils rather than "for" the Rays.
And what about the Brewers and the Dodgers. They were beaten by the Phillies in the playoffs. So does that mean that people in L.A. and Milwaukee should root against the Phillies to get back at them. Or, on the other hand, should they root for the Phillies so that they know that they lost to a good team, i.e. the team that one it all.
And what about other cities that have teams who are in both the National League and American League. What should they do?
And what about people who live in the part of New Jersey where Philly fans and New York fans meet. What should they do? Are they always confused about what to do in life? Will they have troubled deciding whom to vote for on November 4? Can I keep on asking questions in this paragraph? Or should I start a new one?
Well that answers that question. It was time to start a new paragraph. So my point is, if people have this much of a dilemma deciding which baseball team to root for, how can you expect us to decide who to make the next President? It's just too much pressure.
Actually, that's not my point. My point is: THE PHILLIES ARE GOING ALL THE WAY, BABY! COLE HAMELS, RYAN HOWARD, SHANE VICTORINO, ALL DEM PHILLIES! WOO HOO! PASS ME ANOTHER BUD LITE, BABY! THE DIFFERENCE IS DRINKABILITY, YOU KNOW. OOH, AND AFTER A MILLION COMMERCIALS, I FORGOT TO WATCH THE NEW SEASON OF FRANK TV TONIGHT ON TBS. OH WELL. I'M SURE THEY WILL RUN THE SAME EPIDODE A GAZILLION TIMES!
And now: IT'S A LONG DRIVE TO WORK TOMORROW... I GOTTA MAKE MY LUNCH... I'M OUTTA HERE!
At first glance, it would seem that people who normally root for the National League should root for the Phillies, and people who typically root for the American League should cheer for the Rays.
Ah, but it is not so simple. Unlike the election, we can't just divide states up into Phillies states and Rays states. It is way more complicated than that.
For example, one girl at work is a Mets fan, and Mets fans don't like the Phillies. So for her, her anti-Phillies sentiments are stronger than her pro-National League sentiments, so she will be rooting more against the Phils rather than "for" the Rays.
And what about the Brewers and the Dodgers. They were beaten by the Phillies in the playoffs. So does that mean that people in L.A. and Milwaukee should root against the Phillies to get back at them. Or, on the other hand, should they root for the Phillies so that they know that they lost to a good team, i.e. the team that one it all.
And what about other cities that have teams who are in both the National League and American League. What should they do?
And what about people who live in the part of New Jersey where Philly fans and New York fans meet. What should they do? Are they always confused about what to do in life? Will they have troubled deciding whom to vote for on November 4? Can I keep on asking questions in this paragraph? Or should I start a new one?
Well that answers that question. It was time to start a new paragraph. So my point is, if people have this much of a dilemma deciding which baseball team to root for, how can you expect us to decide who to make the next President? It's just too much pressure.
Actually, that's not my point. My point is: THE PHILLIES ARE GOING ALL THE WAY, BABY! COLE HAMELS, RYAN HOWARD, SHANE VICTORINO, ALL DEM PHILLIES! WOO HOO! PASS ME ANOTHER BUD LITE, BABY! THE DIFFERENCE IS DRINKABILITY, YOU KNOW. OOH, AND AFTER A MILLION COMMERCIALS, I FORGOT TO WATCH THE NEW SEASON OF FRANK TV TONIGHT ON TBS. OH WELL. I'M SURE THEY WILL RUN THE SAME EPIDODE A GAZILLION TIMES!
And now: IT'S A LONG DRIVE TO WORK TOMORROW... I GOTTA MAKE MY LUNCH... I'M OUTTA HERE!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
Steve's Blog Part "Phillies"
Well, it's 2008 and the Phillies are back to the National League Championship Series for the first time since 1993. It is quite exciting, and helps lessen the sting of the Eagles sucking it big time this year.
And now, a poem about the Phillies:
Oh, Phillies!
You're doing quite well.
You really hung in there.
Which I think is swell.
Oh, Phillies!
You really play great.
I bet.
You never show up late.
Oh, Phillies!
You're all that.
I always cheer.
When you're up to bat.
Oh, Phillies!
What do you think?
About this financial crisis.
It really stinks.
Oh, Phillies!
Oh, baby. Oh, mama.
How 'bout that election?
Are ya votin' for Obama?
Oh, Phillies!
For equal time.
It's really plain.
I have to mention McCain.
Oh, Phillies!
Tomorrow is Tuesday.
I'll have to take out the trash.
That sucks.
Oh, Phillies!
Did you see?
A dog with a bottle of ketchup.
Walking on his Heinz legs?
Oh, Phillies!
Why can't a girl ant float?
Why?
Because it's not buoy-ant.
Oh, Phillies!
Time to go
Before people say
That this blog is too long.
And now, a poem about the Phillies:
Oh, Phillies!
You're doing quite well.
You really hung in there.
Which I think is swell.
Oh, Phillies!
You really play great.
I bet.
You never show up late.
Oh, Phillies!
You're all that.
I always cheer.
When you're up to bat.
Oh, Phillies!
What do you think?
About this financial crisis.
It really stinks.
Oh, Phillies!
Oh, baby. Oh, mama.
How 'bout that election?
Are ya votin' for Obama?
Oh, Phillies!
For equal time.
It's really plain.
I have to mention McCain.
Oh, Phillies!
Tomorrow is Tuesday.
I'll have to take out the trash.
That sucks.
Oh, Phillies!
Did you see?
A dog with a bottle of ketchup.
Walking on his Heinz legs?
Oh, Phillies!
Why can't a girl ant float?
Why?
Because it's not buoy-ant.
Oh, Phillies!
Time to go
Before people say
That this blog is too long.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Steve's Blog Part "Philly Sports"
Hello again, blog fans. We are back after a "no blog" week last week. That is because I was up until after midnight watching the Eagles game over my brother-in-law's house. It was a great game against the 'Boys, but unfortunately we were not victorious. But luckily, we won this week, so we are back on track.
And how 'bout dem Phillies. A couple of weeks ago we seemed dead in the water, and now we can either win the division, or we have the wild card as a back up. Who woulda thunk it? It will be funny if the Mets totally blow it again this year and don't even make the wild card. HA HA.
For those of you who do not like sports, here is an alternative blog by my fictional female alter ego Mrs. Humor:
Tootles, blog fans. I was NOT here last week, because I was too distraught about my hair being blown around from all of this windy weather. I just don't know what to say about the new fall fashion trends. They call it Haut Couture. Feh!--They should call it "Oat" Couture, because these clothes are only fit for horses. The only thing good this fall is the new season of America's Next Top Model. It promises to be the best one yet.
And I don't know about you, but I am sick of having to put on makeup all of the time. And really, it's not the other men we're afraid will judge us, it's the other women. Come on, girls! Let's stop bringing each other down. Let's burn our lipstick and go natural! Just don't take away my hairspray. I do need that.
There you have it. A fair and balanced Male/Female blog. And if any of my readers are canines, I say, "Woof Woof". And for the felines, "Meow Meow". --The Dr.
And how 'bout dem Phillies. A couple of weeks ago we seemed dead in the water, and now we can either win the division, or we have the wild card as a back up. Who woulda thunk it? It will be funny if the Mets totally blow it again this year and don't even make the wild card. HA HA.
For those of you who do not like sports, here is an alternative blog by my fictional female alter ego Mrs. Humor:
Tootles, blog fans. I was NOT here last week, because I was too distraught about my hair being blown around from all of this windy weather. I just don't know what to say about the new fall fashion trends. They call it Haut Couture. Feh!--They should call it "Oat" Couture, because these clothes are only fit for horses. The only thing good this fall is the new season of America's Next Top Model. It promises to be the best one yet.
And I don't know about you, but I am sick of having to put on makeup all of the time. And really, it's not the other men we're afraid will judge us, it's the other women. Come on, girls! Let's stop bringing each other down. Let's burn our lipstick and go natural! Just don't take away my hairspray. I do need that.
There you have it. A fair and balanced Male/Female blog. And if any of my readers are canines, I say, "Woof Woof". And for the felines, "Meow Meow". --The Dr.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Steve's Blog Part "Quick"
This has to be a quick blog, for we have lots of chores to do for tomorrow, because we have to try to get out of the house early tomorrow, because tomorrow night, we are going to try to buy... A NEW CAR!!!!!! That's right, the brand new 2009 Camry. The 2009 Camry features four wheels, a steering wheel, built in front, side and back windows and seats. All for a low price. And it won't break the bank at the gas pump either. Estimates have actually been made of something called its MPG, or Miles Per Gallon. It's so amazing. It's a race against the clock to buy a new car before the old car konks out.
Yes, the old clunker is a 1996 Camry with over 130,000 miles on it, peeling paint, a front passenger side window that is slightly ajar, and intermittent starting problems. Hopefully no one from Toyota is reading this blog as we try to get at least a little bit for the trade in.
It's a shame, because next February, the car would have been 13 years old, and it would have been time for its CarMitzvah. We would have read from the Holy Toyota Manual, and had all of our family and friends pump in a ceremonial tank of gas. But no candle lighting. Candles and gasoline do not mix. But alas, tis not to be. I guess maybe a new family will learn to love our old car before it totally falls apart.
Well, I've yapped enough to make this a good enough blog for Steve's blog.
So wish us good luck tomorrow at the dealership.
Vroom Vroom Vroom!--Steve-o
Yes, the old clunker is a 1996 Camry with over 130,000 miles on it, peeling paint, a front passenger side window that is slightly ajar, and intermittent starting problems. Hopefully no one from Toyota is reading this blog as we try to get at least a little bit for the trade in.
It's a shame, because next February, the car would have been 13 years old, and it would have been time for its CarMitzvah. We would have read from the Holy Toyota Manual, and had all of our family and friends pump in a ceremonial tank of gas. But no candle lighting. Candles and gasoline do not mix. But alas, tis not to be. I guess maybe a new family will learn to love our old car before it totally falls apart.
Well, I've yapped enough to make this a good enough blog for Steve's blog.
So wish us good luck tomorrow at the dealership.
Vroom Vroom Vroom!--Steve-o
Monday, September 1, 2008
Steve's Blog Part Labor Day
What? Do a blog on Labor Day. That could be construed as work, and that is not allowed.
Well anyway, here's a picture of the "fam" from our trip to Ocean City, MD.
Tomorrow, back to work. Phooey!
Monday, August 18, 2008
Steve's Blog Part "Big Apple"
Okay, this week's blog is all about New York. And just so you don't think it is completely off the cuff, I was actually thinking about this bit this morning, and I already came up with two jokes. Admittedly, after that it will be back to cuff status, but let's see what happens.
If New York were settled in the era of game shows, it would be called "IT'S A BRAND NEW... YORK!"
If New York were named by hipsters, it would be called "Brand Spankin' New York!"
If New York were named by Jews, it would be called "Nu? York?"
If New York were named by people who loved words that begin with "Gn" it would be called "Gnu York"........ Good thing it's not.
If New York were filled with vacuum cleaners that cleaned up after Teletubbies, it would be called "Noo-Noo York".
If New York were overtaken by beings from Ork, it could be called "New Mork"
If New York were settled by picky wine makers, it could be called "New Cork"
If New York were settled by animals running on wheels and blocking waterways it could be called "New Hamster Dam"
If New York were overtaken by people from cities like Bombay who loved corned beef it could be called "New Deli"
If New York were dedicated to an Icelandic singer it could be called "New Bjork"
Well, that's all I got for this week. Before I go, I'd like to give a shout out to the person who make the joke comment last week about the Dream of the Blue Turtles. That was very clever.
Program note: There will be no Blog next Monday night as the family and I will be away on vacation. If you like, you can re-read one of my old blogs and delve deeper into its hidden meanings. Or, you could just take it easy.
Later,
Steve
If New York were settled in the era of game shows, it would be called "IT'S A BRAND NEW... YORK!"
If New York were named by hipsters, it would be called "Brand Spankin' New York!"
If New York were named by Jews, it would be called "Nu? York?"
If New York were named by people who loved words that begin with "Gn" it would be called "Gnu York"........ Good thing it's not.
If New York were filled with vacuum cleaners that cleaned up after Teletubbies, it would be called "Noo-Noo York".
If New York were overtaken by beings from Ork, it could be called "New Mork"
If New York were settled by picky wine makers, it could be called "New Cork"
If New York were settled by animals running on wheels and blocking waterways it could be called "New Hamster Dam"
If New York were overtaken by people from cities like Bombay who loved corned beef it could be called "New Deli"
If New York were dedicated to an Icelandic singer it could be called "New Bjork"
Well, that's all I got for this week. Before I go, I'd like to give a shout out to the person who make the joke comment last week about the Dream of the Blue Turtles. That was very clever.
Program note: There will be no Blog next Monday night as the family and I will be away on vacation. If you like, you can re-read one of my old blogs and delve deeper into its hidden meanings. Or, you could just take it easy.
Later,
Steve
Monday, August 11, 2008
Steve's Blog Part Living the Dream
They say you should live your dreams. If I lived my dreams, I would walk outside in just my underwear and take a test that I haven't studied for all year. Then, in happier times, I would appear in episodes of Seinfeld, Saturday Night Live and David Letterman. Then, I would get endlessly lost in a place that initially seemed like it should be familiar. Then, I would fly across a swimming pool in one leap without touching the water. Sometimes, I would even fly above the houses and trees. I am sure there are other dreams I could live, but I don't remember them right now. I suppose I could keep a dream journal, but... neh.
Here's what some local folks say about dreams: (Well, mostly inside jokes about people at my work, but hopefully they will still be funny to the average Joe or Jane)
Kid at carnival -- I like dreams... and turtles.
G.H. -- I like pre dreams better than post dreams.
M.B. -- What's a dream?
S.G.R.V.S.R. -- I just can't figure out this dream.
C.C. -- I got here too late to dream.
R.C. -- My dreams are vigorous.
G.R. -- This dream should be over in twenty minutes. And then, right on to the next dream. Especially if it's on your WIPP List.
L.F. -- This dream is redikerus!
K.R. -- This dream is the best. Wanna bet?
T.M. -- Oh my God. You will not believe my last dream.
D.D. -- My dream got transferred.
S.G. -- My dream is to end this blog on a high note. LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!
Here's what some local folks say about dreams: (Well, mostly inside jokes about people at my work, but hopefully they will still be funny to the average Joe or Jane)
Kid at carnival -- I like dreams... and turtles.
G.H. -- I like pre dreams better than post dreams.
M.B. -- What's a dream?
S.G.R.V.S.R. -- I just can't figure out this dream.
C.C. -- I got here too late to dream.
R.C. -- My dreams are vigorous.
G.R. -- This dream should be over in twenty minutes. And then, right on to the next dream. Especially if it's on your WIPP List.
L.F. -- This dream is redikerus!
K.R. -- This dream is the best. Wanna bet?
T.M. -- Oh my God. You will not believe my last dream.
D.D. -- My dream got transferred.
S.G. -- My dream is to end this blog on a high note. LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!
Monday, August 4, 2008
Steve's Blog Part "Did you..."
Did you ever notice?....
...How one sentence with someone can lead to a whole, long conversation.
...The beauty of a rainbow.
...The fun of watching a child eat.
...How bad milk tastes when it is spoiled.
...That copiers always break down.
...That if you take the "H" in Heart and put it at the end, it becomes Earth (my son told me that one).
...That a lot of restaurants have a big, flat panel TV showing CNN for no reason.
...That songs can make you sad, or happy.
...That even numbers seem cooler than odd numbers.
...That blogs can end abruptly.
...How one sentence with someone can lead to a whole, long conversation.
...The beauty of a rainbow.
...The fun of watching a child eat.
...How bad milk tastes when it is spoiled.
...That copiers always break down.
...That if you take the "H" in Heart and put it at the end, it becomes Earth (my son told me that one).
...That a lot of restaurants have a big, flat panel TV showing CNN for no reason.
...That songs can make you sad, or happy.
...That even numbers seem cooler than odd numbers.
...That blogs can end abruptly.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Steve's Blog Part To the Point
Today's blog is short and sweet. To those cowardly anonymous commenters out there who want me to change the style of my blog, I say, no way! I change for no one! Well, except maybe my wife, but that's another story.
So keep your nasty comments to yourself! Well, really, it's your choice, of course, but that is what I suggest.
So keep your nasty comments to yourself! Well, really, it's your choice, of course, but that is what I suggest.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Steve's Blog Part Back From Vacay
Okay, blog fans. It's been a week since the last blog. But doesn't it feel a lot longer? I think so. I think it was a long week, even though the family and I went on a little vacay to Wildwood Crest, NJ this weekend. Of course it was nice and all, but I have two vacation issues that need to be addressed by the next President.
1. The sun. It's too darn hot.
2. The ocean. It was a lot colder than the real temperature.
I think the next President needs to form a task force to consider forming a sub-committee to consider the possbility of addressing these issues. While it is true that these issues may not be directly related to the so-called "National Security" that everyone always seems to be talking about, they are important nonetheless. And as a registered voter, I'm sure there are lots of other people who feel the same way I do. Do, you, feel like I do?
So if Obama or McCaim reads this blog, (or at least if someone can pretend to be them) I would like them to respond to this blog with a full proposal ASAP (as soon as possible, for those of you who don't know that abbreviation).
Yes, I know there is not a lot of humor in this week's blog, but sometimes a serious issue comes along that needs to be addressed in a forum such as Steve's blog.
So until next week, God Bless America, and all that.
1. The sun. It's too darn hot.
2. The ocean. It was a lot colder than the real temperature.
I think the next President needs to form a task force to consider forming a sub-committee to consider the possbility of addressing these issues. While it is true that these issues may not be directly related to the so-called "National Security" that everyone always seems to be talking about, they are important nonetheless. And as a registered voter, I'm sure there are lots of other people who feel the same way I do. Do, you, feel like I do?
So if Obama or McCaim reads this blog, (or at least if someone can pretend to be them) I would like them to respond to this blog with a full proposal ASAP (as soon as possible, for those of you who don't know that abbreviation).
Yes, I know there is not a lot of humor in this week's blog, but sometimes a serious issue comes along that needs to be addressed in a forum such as Steve's blog.
So until next week, God Bless America, and all that.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Steve's Blog Part Musings
Lots of people think that today is "Juillet Quatorze", or some French holiday. But in reality, (well, my reality anyway), today is actually Jewy Cat Oars, a holiday celebrating a Jewish Cat who road a canoe down a river to freedom in the late 18 or 19 somethings.
Other people think that there is another French phrase "Je ne sais quoi", when in fact it is actually "Jenny say Kwah", a phrase named after Jenny's friends who used to goad her into making funny sounds.
Aren't languages funny. And names in differenet languages are funny, too. We actually had a friend in elementary school whose name was Manoj (with no trois), and his brother's name was Ragu (not Francesco Rinaldi). That is really true.
And what about nicknames, huh? How about that football player "The refrigerator" Perry. Do you think he could make his own ice cubes?
And how about the fact that there are two rapper/actor guys, one is named Ice Cube and one is names Ice-T. I mean, Luke Skywalker didn't call himself Luke Warm. See what I mean?!
And what's the deal with the DMV? Why does it take so long to get your license renewed? I have to go there soon. I hope it doesn't take too long for me, because I also have to go the bank that day and the dentist, and we have to get ready to go down the shore the next day. Wow, sometimes life just gets busy, huh?!
Wow, I'm sure I have overloaded all of you readers with too much to think about in this blog.
Until next time. Stay cool.
--Ice-Steve
Other people think that there is another French phrase "Je ne sais quoi", when in fact it is actually "Jenny say Kwah", a phrase named after Jenny's friends who used to goad her into making funny sounds.
Aren't languages funny. And names in differenet languages are funny, too. We actually had a friend in elementary school whose name was Manoj (with no trois), and his brother's name was Ragu (not Francesco Rinaldi). That is really true.
And what about nicknames, huh? How about that football player "The refrigerator" Perry. Do you think he could make his own ice cubes?
And how about the fact that there are two rapper/actor guys, one is named Ice Cube and one is names Ice-T. I mean, Luke Skywalker didn't call himself Luke Warm. See what I mean?!
And what's the deal with the DMV? Why does it take so long to get your license renewed? I have to go there soon. I hope it doesn't take too long for me, because I also have to go the bank that day and the dentist, and we have to get ready to go down the shore the next day. Wow, sometimes life just gets busy, huh?!
Wow, I'm sure I have overloaded all of you readers with too much to think about in this blog.
Until next time. Stay cool.
--Ice-Steve
Monday, July 7, 2008
Steve's Blog Part Before or After
Well, as I start to write this blog, I don't yet have a title. I guess that's the way life works sometimes. Sometimes you start out with a title and then fill in the details, and sometimes we fill in the details first and then give it a title after the fact.
Like when I was four years old, and our family was going to Disney World. Undoubtedly, you could have given out trip a clever title beforehand like "Our trip to Disney World" because we knew where we were going.
On the other hand, there was the time after an art event we went to in New Hope, PA that I though I knew a short cut back to the road I wanted to be on, and we ended up lost in Bucks County farmland for 45 minutes at 1:30 in the morning. After the fact, you could have given that story a title like "Hellish time being lost in the middle of nowhere" or something equally as clever.
So, have I made my point. Let's bring on Helen VonTitleburg of the Titles Beforehand Institute in Titleburg, Germany. Let's see what she has to say about this topic: "I prefer titles beforehand." Hmm, telling words indeed.
And not to be outdone, we bring on Professor Louis After-de-fact of the Apres-Title Institute in Apres-Ski, France. Let's see what he has to say: "After the fact title is better, no?" Hmm again.
Well, there you have it. Which do you prefer?
Later,
Steve
Like when I was four years old, and our family was going to Disney World. Undoubtedly, you could have given out trip a clever title beforehand like "Our trip to Disney World" because we knew where we were going.
On the other hand, there was the time after an art event we went to in New Hope, PA that I though I knew a short cut back to the road I wanted to be on, and we ended up lost in Bucks County farmland for 45 minutes at 1:30 in the morning. After the fact, you could have given that story a title like "Hellish time being lost in the middle of nowhere" or something equally as clever.
So, have I made my point. Let's bring on Helen VonTitleburg of the Titles Beforehand Institute in Titleburg, Germany. Let's see what she has to say about this topic: "I prefer titles beforehand." Hmm, telling words indeed.
And not to be outdone, we bring on Professor Louis After-de-fact of the Apres-Title Institute in Apres-Ski, France. Let's see what he has to say: "After the fact title is better, no?" Hmm again.
Well, there you have it. Which do you prefer?
Later,
Steve
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Steve's Blog Part Beat You to the Punch
Instead of doing this week's blog, I will anticipate some of the comments that might have been posted had I done this week's blog.
Anonymous: This is the stupidest idea for a blog I ever heard. If I had anything better to do with my time, I certainly wouldn't be reading this blog anymore.
Heath Ledger: I am so depressed after reading this blog that I won't do any more movies.
George Carlin: Reading this blog makes me glad I've passed on.
That guy from the Princess Bride: This blog is inconceivable!
Paris Hilton: That's cold!
Regis Philbin: Is that your final blog? You might want to call a lifeline.
G.H.--Is this a pre- or post-blog?
Anonymous: These people don't really read Steve's blog. Something screwy's going on here.
Hamm from Toy Story: Hey, that's my line!
Van Wilder: This makes me want to go eat pizza with one guy and one girl in a shop.
Anonymous: This blog is just a little accident, that's all. And the Hoot Toot.
Amy: Fwies! Fwies! Waddor! Waddor! Ou-side. Ou-side. Night Night.
Adam: Dat was my little sis-ter.
The wife: I never comment on the blog itself, silly.
D.D. This blog makes me want to move back to Pittsburgh.
M.B. I have nothing to offer to this blog.
Well there you have it. All the comments that would have probably been made about this week's blog. Later.
Anonymous: This is the stupidest idea for a blog I ever heard. If I had anything better to do with my time, I certainly wouldn't be reading this blog anymore.
Heath Ledger: I am so depressed after reading this blog that I won't do any more movies.
George Carlin: Reading this blog makes me glad I've passed on.
That guy from the Princess Bride: This blog is inconceivable!
Paris Hilton: That's cold!
Regis Philbin: Is that your final blog? You might want to call a lifeline.
G.H.--Is this a pre- or post-blog?
Anonymous: These people don't really read Steve's blog. Something screwy's going on here.
Hamm from Toy Story: Hey, that's my line!
Van Wilder: This makes me want to go eat pizza with one guy and one girl in a shop.
Anonymous: This blog is just a little accident, that's all. And the Hoot Toot.
Amy: Fwies! Fwies! Waddor! Waddor! Ou-side. Ou-side. Night Night.
Adam: Dat was my little sis-ter.
The wife: I never comment on the blog itself, silly.
D.D. This blog makes me want to move back to Pittsburgh.
M.B. I have nothing to offer to this blog.
Well there you have it. All the comments that would have probably been made about this week's blog. Later.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Steve's Blog Part Seinfeld
Steve's Blog will not be seen tonight to bring you "Seinfeld, the Lost Episode" or, "Something I just made up"
George: You won't believe what happened!
Jerry: I'm sure I will, Georgey. I'm sure I will.
George: Whatever! Anyway, I'm getting ready to pay for a soda outside, and my $5 bill flies out of my hand and down a sewer drain! Just like that. Gone!
Jerry: That's terrible, George.
George: There should be some way that they could tell it was my $5 bill if someone finds it down there.
Jerry: Ok. First of all, you're saying that you would want your $5 bill back--after it's been in the sewer.
George: You're darn right I would. It's my money.
Jerry: If I do find out that you ever received a $5 bill back after being in the sewer, then you know we can never see each other again. It's bad enough you took that book into the bathroom. I should have disowned you for that.
George: There should be some way, that if they find the money, that they know it's mine.
Jerry: That's sounds plausible.
George: So that I could have a chance, of getting my money back. When you get your car stolen, at least maybe the police can find it. But money, once you lose it, it's gone!
Kramer: (Bursting into the room, as usual) Hey, George. What's all the fuss?
Jerry: (matter of fact-ly) George lost a $5 bill. It flew out of his hands, down the sewer. He wants some kind of money ID so he has a chance of getting it back.
Kramer: Sewer, ay! I, I'd go down there and look for it.
Jerry: What?! For a $5 bill. And to think I actually admit I know you people.
Kramer: Well, maybe not for $5. But a hundred--I'm down there (with funny hand motion).
George: Well I can't stay here. I'm too upset.
Jerry: Should we have a funeral for your $5?
George: Whatever. I'll see ya later (closes door).
Elaine: Hey! How come I wasn't in this scene! (she pushes Blog)
Me: WOAH! THAT HURT!
End scene.
George: You won't believe what happened!
Jerry: I'm sure I will, Georgey. I'm sure I will.
George: Whatever! Anyway, I'm getting ready to pay for a soda outside, and my $5 bill flies out of my hand and down a sewer drain! Just like that. Gone!
Jerry: That's terrible, George.
George: There should be some way that they could tell it was my $5 bill if someone finds it down there.
Jerry: Ok. First of all, you're saying that you would want your $5 bill back--after it's been in the sewer.
George: You're darn right I would. It's my money.
Jerry: If I do find out that you ever received a $5 bill back after being in the sewer, then you know we can never see each other again. It's bad enough you took that book into the bathroom. I should have disowned you for that.
George: There should be some way, that if they find the money, that they know it's mine.
Jerry: That's sounds plausible.
George: So that I could have a chance, of getting my money back. When you get your car stolen, at least maybe the police can find it. But money, once you lose it, it's gone!
Kramer: (Bursting into the room, as usual) Hey, George. What's all the fuss?
Jerry: (matter of fact-ly) George lost a $5 bill. It flew out of his hands, down the sewer. He wants some kind of money ID so he has a chance of getting it back.
Kramer: Sewer, ay! I, I'd go down there and look for it.
Jerry: What?! For a $5 bill. And to think I actually admit I know you people.
Kramer: Well, maybe not for $5. But a hundred--I'm down there (with funny hand motion).
George: Well I can't stay here. I'm too upset.
Jerry: Should we have a funeral for your $5?
George: Whatever. I'll see ya later (closes door).
Elaine: Hey! How come I wasn't in this scene! (she pushes Blog)
Me: WOAH! THAT HURT!
End scene.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Steve's Blog Part I don't know
Well, I don't really know what to write about today. I shall have to call on the guidance of my Blogging Guardian Angel, Blogael. Blogael will now take over:
"Well, dear ones. One can talk about many things in one's blog. One could talk about the election. That is certainly topical. But then again, if one hears any more about the election, one could really so nuts, so perhaps one should not do that.
One could write about something totally at random, like any object that is on one's computer table at the moment, like one's son's Matchbox car. But then again, what would one say about this Matchbox car. Not much, one is sure, so let us forget about that.
One could write about Paris Hilton. Many have already written about the one who is called Paris Hilton. But then again, one has some dignity, and one does not need to stoop so low as to have to write about that interesting personality (that is the closest a blogging angel will come to a negative comment, unless the blogging angel stubs his toe. You don't want to be around for that one).
Or one could just end one's blog right now, leaving readers puzzled as to the value of what they just read. Yes, let's do that."
"Well, dear ones. One can talk about many things in one's blog. One could talk about the election. That is certainly topical. But then again, if one hears any more about the election, one could really so nuts, so perhaps one should not do that.
One could write about something totally at random, like any object that is on one's computer table at the moment, like one's son's Matchbox car. But then again, what would one say about this Matchbox car. Not much, one is sure, so let us forget about that.
One could write about Paris Hilton. Many have already written about the one who is called Paris Hilton. But then again, one has some dignity, and one does not need to stoop so low as to have to write about that interesting personality (that is the closest a blogging angel will come to a negative comment, unless the blogging angel stubs his toe. You don't want to be around for that one).
Or one could just end one's blog right now, leaving readers puzzled as to the value of what they just read. Yes, let's do that."
Monday, June 2, 2008
Steve's Blog Part Mitzvah
Yes, back after a week's hiatus, during which we were having lots of Internet connectivity problems, Steve's blog is back just in time for today's momentous occasion--the 24th Anniversary of the my Bar Mitzvah. And now, here is a list of all of the things I remember doing on all of the June 2nd's of my life.
Big List
So as you can see, June 2 has been a pretty interesting date in my life, with a least 2 memorable dates out of the 37 June 2nd's that I have experienced so far in my life.
Now what if you could remember the following things you did for the first time in your life:
The date you had your first Oreo
The date you first laughed
The date you first said, "I love You" to your Mommy
The date you first rode in a shopping cart
The date you first knew you had a belly button
The date you made your first friend
The date you answered your first question right in school
The date you first got a sappy email like this......................
If you forward this blog to exactly 6.5 people, at 10:23 tomorrow morning, you will magically know the answers to all of the above questions. And you will also remember "Who called that day", "What that thing was that you couldn't think of" and "That other thing that you forgot".
Now go get a good night's sleep and prepare for a magical tomorrow.
Sincerely,
Steve O'Gradessey--Lord of the Joke
P.S. Funny link: Young Hillary Clinton http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAu39I5QOUc
Big List
Date(s) (June 2nd's)-----------------------Things I did
June 2, 1972 through June 2, 1983---------I don't remember
June 2, 1984-------------------------------Had Bar Mitzvah
June 2, 1985 through June 2, 2007---------I don't remember
June 2, 2008-------------------------------Wrote Blog
So as you can see, June 2 has been a pretty interesting date in my life, with a least 2 memorable dates out of the 37 June 2nd's that I have experienced so far in my life.
Now what if you could remember the following things you did for the first time in your life:
The date you had your first Oreo
The date you first laughed
The date you first said, "I love You" to your Mommy
The date you first rode in a shopping cart
The date you first knew you had a belly button
The date you made your first friend
The date you answered your first question right in school
The date you first got a sappy email like this......................
If you forward this blog to exactly 6.5 people, at 10:23 tomorrow morning, you will magically know the answers to all of the above questions. And you will also remember "Who called that day", "What that thing was that you couldn't think of" and "That other thing that you forgot".
Now go get a good night's sleep and prepare for a magical tomorrow.
Sincerely,
Steve O'Gradessey--Lord of the Joke
P.S. Funny link: Young Hillary Clinton http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAu39I5QOUc
Monday, May 19, 2008
Steve's Blog Part Longer than last week
Well, another week has gone by. Alright, I guess I can't put off this issue forever. Some of you, evidently, were upset by the brevity of last week's blog. Well, we at Steve's Blog do not Cow Tow to special interest groups. We do not take money from lobbyists. We do not accept contributions from oil companies. Our name is not Earl. We do not simply vote off people just because they are not in our alliance. There are no skills challenges on Steve's Blog that will give you immunity until next week. Steve's Blog does not have a laugh track--you have to make your own laughter. We do not tease you and then take commercial breaks. We also do not give away our favorite things on any episode of Steve's blog. There are no judges that screeen Steve's blog before it is published. And also, Steve's blog is not subject to the whim of America's votes (I can keep publishing this blog forever, even if the only person reading it is me).
What is it that I am trying to say here, right now, is this present moment, a moment that, once it is gone, can never be captured again (well, except maybe on You Tube or sumpin')? I leave it up to you, the reader, to figure out what I am trying to say. 'Cause I sure as heck don't know what I am talking about. Is heck too strong a word for a family blog such as Steve's blog? If so, please subsitute the word "Harry" instead of "heck" when reading this blog.
As a final thought, I am reading a book now called Eat Pray Love. My version would be Eat Nap Pray Nap Love Nap and Then One More Nap.
Until next week: Be the change you want to see in the candy
machine during break--Majobsa Bohr.
Love,
Steve
What is it that I am trying to say here, right now, is this present moment, a moment that, once it is gone, can never be captured again (well, except maybe on You Tube or sumpin')? I leave it up to you, the reader, to figure out what I am trying to say. 'Cause I sure as heck don't know what I am talking about. Is heck too strong a word for a family blog such as Steve's blog? If so, please subsitute the word "Harry" instead of "heck" when reading this blog.
As a final thought, I am reading a book now called Eat Pray Love. My version would be Eat Nap Pray Nap Love Nap and Then One More Nap.
Until next week: Be the change you want to see in the candy
machine during break--Majobsa Bohr.
Love,
Steve
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Monday, May 5, 2008
Steve's Blog Part cinqo de mayo
Yes, blog fans. We in American know this date as the 5th of May. But it sounds much cooler to say Cinqo de Mayo. What does this holiday mean to me, you ask? Well, almost nothing really. What is does mean to me is that this holiday provides another excuse for us U.S. Americans to forget our ethnic differences so that we can have another excuse to go out and get drunk.
Just like St. Patrick Day, or pretty much any other holiday--yes, the greatest unifier in this great country of ours is that every time there is a holiday, we all rise to the challenge and do our duty by getting drunk together.
But what about the plight of the Polar Bear. The Polar Bear knows no holidays. All he wants to do is live peacefully in his natural habitat, away from the sting of Man. But alas, every year, more Polar Bears have to cancel their subscription to Sports Illustrated because they have no place to read.
And what of the Bald Eagle. If we in this country have found a way to send a man to the moon, surely we could find a way to get the Bald Eagle some nice hair plugs or that spray hair in a can so he wouldn't be so bald.
And furthermore, political parties should be abolished. Aren't we sophisticated enough to just vote for someone because of their beliefs, and not because of what square peg they fit into?
And Prayer in Schools. Teachers are the ones who should be praying, because students are getting violent to them all of the time.
And people who run side businesses at their "real job" shouldn't be tied down by their "real" work. They should just be able to do their thing.
And what's with blogs being too long...
Oops, I think he meant me. See ya next week.
Just like St. Patrick Day, or pretty much any other holiday--yes, the greatest unifier in this great country of ours is that every time there is a holiday, we all rise to the challenge and do our duty by getting drunk together.
But what about the plight of the Polar Bear. The Polar Bear knows no holidays. All he wants to do is live peacefully in his natural habitat, away from the sting of Man. But alas, every year, more Polar Bears have to cancel their subscription to Sports Illustrated because they have no place to read.
And what of the Bald Eagle. If we in this country have found a way to send a man to the moon, surely we could find a way to get the Bald Eagle some nice hair plugs or that spray hair in a can so he wouldn't be so bald.
And furthermore, political parties should be abolished. Aren't we sophisticated enough to just vote for someone because of their beliefs, and not because of what square peg they fit into?
And Prayer in Schools. Teachers are the ones who should be praying, because students are getting violent to them all of the time.
And people who run side businesses at their "real job" shouldn't be tied down by their "real" work. They should just be able to do their thing.
And what's with blogs being too long...
Oops, I think he meant me. See ya next week.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Steve's Blog Part Mike, Election, Sports, Chrissy, Joke, Bye
I threatened to start recording my friend Mike if we didn't get off of the phone by 10PM, and we didn't quite make it, so here is the last part of Mike's side of our conservation. Is it that late? Holy cow! I really have to get going, too. Are you typing, or are you recording into your little recorder? My last thought is, that's my final answer. Talk to you later, bye.
Yes, that was my friend Mike, who unbelievably finds most everything I say histerically funny. And we sometimes talk about serious stuff, too, the aforementioned pyschobabble. But it always ends up with a comic twist (which is much sweeter than a twist of lemon, bah dum bum (rim shot)).
So anyway, we had the primary election in Pennsyvania, and everything pretty much happened as they said it would, so there's not much to talk about there. Well, about 50 news channels DO always find something to talk about it, but it is mostly just drivel. When voting, just go with your gut and don't worry so much about "the issues". I have enough trouble keeping up with Steve's Blog without spending my whole day glued to CNN! So there! And that is Steve's politicial rant of the week.
In other good news, both the Sixers and the Flyers are in the playoffs right now. As I write this blog, the Flyers may or may not be still playing, they may be leading or trailing, or they may or may not be between periods. The preceding description was written for anyone who is TiVo-ing tonight's Flyer's game. But in any case, both are doing well so far, and you know us Philly fans, we love a winner (har har har!)
In other news, Chrissy overheard Jack say something to Janet. He was really saying he had a big gate, but Chrissy thought he said he has a big date. Oh, and wackiness ensued.
And finally, what's the deal with kids not sleeping well? Seriously, does anybody know?
And final, this week's Bible character joke. Q. What did King Nebbekednezzer say after he became very optimististic. A. Nebber say Nebber.
Until next time, if you send this blog to 50 people, at exactly 9:21 tomorrow morning, it will be one minute before 9:22AM.
Toodles,
Steve-o
Yes, that was my friend Mike, who unbelievably finds most everything I say histerically funny. And we sometimes talk about serious stuff, too, the aforementioned pyschobabble. But it always ends up with a comic twist (which is much sweeter than a twist of lemon, bah dum bum (rim shot)).
So anyway, we had the primary election in Pennsyvania, and everything pretty much happened as they said it would, so there's not much to talk about there. Well, about 50 news channels DO always find something to talk about it, but it is mostly just drivel. When voting, just go with your gut and don't worry so much about "the issues". I have enough trouble keeping up with Steve's Blog without spending my whole day glued to CNN! So there! And that is Steve's politicial rant of the week.
In other good news, both the Sixers and the Flyers are in the playoffs right now. As I write this blog, the Flyers may or may not be still playing, they may be leading or trailing, or they may or may not be between periods. The preceding description was written for anyone who is TiVo-ing tonight's Flyer's game. But in any case, both are doing well so far, and you know us Philly fans, we love a winner (har har har!)
In other news, Chrissy overheard Jack say something to Janet. He was really saying he had a big gate, but Chrissy thought he said he has a big date. Oh, and wackiness ensued.
And finally, what's the deal with kids not sleeping well? Seriously, does anybody know?
And final, this week's Bible character joke. Q. What did King Nebbekednezzer say after he became very optimististic. A. Nebber say Nebber.
Until next time, if you send this blog to 50 people, at exactly 9:21 tomorrow morning, it will be one minute before 9:22AM.
Toodles,
Steve-o
Monday, April 14, 2008
Steve's Blog Part Taxes
Ok. Let's get right to it. In honor of Tax Day tomorrow, some poems about taxes.
W-2, 4, 6, 8.
Who do we appreciate?
Taxes, Taxes, Yay, Taxes!
A deduction, A deduction,
My kingdom for a deduction.
... And throw in some tax credits, too.
Let me look into your eyes
and itemize
The ways I love you
For my Love for you
is more than standard.
I saw you
Across a crowded room
And I thought to myself:
"If we talk business,
I can deduct the drinks,
I buy for you".
Dr. J.
401K
John Elway
I'm getting carried away
And now, the Tax Day joke of the week: "If a former Boy Band's reunion fails, they can do a tax commercial and call themselves New Kicks on the H&R Block."
To Rapid Refunds and Beyond!
See ya next week--Steve
W-2, 4, 6, 8.
Who do we appreciate?
Taxes, Taxes, Yay, Taxes!
A deduction, A deduction,
My kingdom for a deduction.
... And throw in some tax credits, too.
Let me look into your eyes
and itemize
The ways I love you
For my Love for you
is more than standard.
I saw you
Across a crowded room
And I thought to myself:
"If we talk business,
I can deduct the drinks,
I buy for you".
Dr. J.
401K
John Elway
I'm getting carried away
And now, the Tax Day joke of the week: "If a former Boy Band's reunion fails, they can do a tax commercial and call themselves New Kicks on the H&R Block."
To Rapid Refunds and Beyond!
See ya next week--Steve
Monday, April 7, 2008
Steve's Blog Part No longer sick
Well, blog fans. It has been three weeks since my last real blog. I have found that the desire to do a blog goes down when one is really sick. Now that I am feeling better, my desire to blog has returned. Perhaps I will publish these studies in a journal called The Journal of Blog-Related Research. Actually, no such journal exists. But if it did, that would be awesome, dude!
There were many things that happened to me in the past three weeks. Since I can't pick just one thing, I will give a general synopsis: Some things were good. Some things were bad. Some things made me sleepy, some did not (well most things do). Some things involved traveling. Some did not. Some things involved my family. Some did not. Some things involved evildoers. Some did not. Some things involved journeying to far off lands. Some did not. The most important thing is, this is all true. It could very well be in my autobiography. I think the public is very trusting these days of things that seem to be made up but are actually true.
Well that's enough blogging for today. You get a good night's rest and I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Next week: Who knows?
There were many things that happened to me in the past three weeks. Since I can't pick just one thing, I will give a general synopsis: Some things were good. Some things were bad. Some things made me sleepy, some did not (well most things do). Some things involved traveling. Some did not. Some things involved my family. Some did not. Some things involved evildoers. Some did not. Some things involved journeying to far off lands. Some did not. The most important thing is, this is all true. It could very well be in my autobiography. I think the public is very trusting these days of things that seem to be made up but are actually true.
Well that's enough blogging for today. You get a good night's rest and I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Next week: Who knows?
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Steve's Blog Part "Sick" and Tired
I've been quite sick since Friday, had to take two days off of work, and I didn't get a chance to do my blog last night. Just wanted to apologize.
Instead, a little promo: Robing Schwoyer, the director of the non-profit group Svetlana and I are involved called HeARTs for Autism, is being interviewed tomorrow on the radio on 95.7 BEN-FM at 7:30 AM (Wednesday March 26) as the Woman of the Week. For those of you who can, tune in. It should be interesting!
Dats all folks!
Instead, a little promo: Robing Schwoyer, the director of the non-profit group Svetlana and I are involved called HeARTs for Autism, is being interviewed tomorrow on the radio on 95.7 BEN-FM at 7:30 AM (Wednesday March 26) as the Woman of the Week. For those of you who can, tune in. It should be interesting!
Dats all folks!
Monday, March 17, 2008
Steve's Blog Part Still Tired
Those of you who read last week's blog will remember that I was tired. Well, I am once again tired. Suffice to say that most of the time when I write this blog I will be at least somewhat tired. Ok? Nuff said. I won't say anything more about it.
Ok, and now for this week's picture. It is a picture of our family with our friends the Gaal's at their holiday party last December. That was a pretty good time. I hope they won't mind me using their picture. What with all of these privacy laws and HIPAA and all that. My friend and I were talking about the whole privacy thing today, how you could be the best worker for 20 years but if they find out you violated somewhat's privacy, they might send ya packin'! It's all silly. What do you think, readers?
And now, this week's yolk: The inside of an egg! (HA HA HA)
Next week: Scientific study proves there are 50 ways to leave your lover (Google Paul Simon if you don't get the joke).
Later,
Steve-o
Monday, March 10, 2008
Steve's Blog Part Tired
I am very tired right now. As hard as it might be for all of you blog readers to believe, I do other things during the week besides blogging. That is why I am tired. Presumably, if all I did all week was rest up to do my blog on Monday nights around 10PM, I wouldn't be so tired. But alas, I have other responsibilities other than blogging. And I won't lie to you, some of the other responsbilities I have are even more important than blogging. Like being a father. [It's time for A Very Special Blog]. Yes, having a baby look into your eyes is a feeling that can't be described. I wouldn't trade it for the world. God Bless America! Freedom! To Life! L'Chaiym! [And that concludes this week's Very Special Blog].
And now for this week's Joke: What does the President use when he goes fishing? Political de Bait! (Eh?!)
Well, that's all for this week! You'll have to wait, till next week, Nanny Nanny Foo Foo.
--Steve
Monday, March 3, 2008
Steve's Blog Part Really Really Real
Well, blog fans, one of my coworkers suggested that I base this week's blog on some real events that happened to me in the last week. But just to spite this person, I will not. There, person/coworker, how do you like those apples?
And in any case, who's to say what is "real" anyway. I shall now site examples:
There. I have sited enough examples. Do not make me site more examples, or I will be mad at you. And you don't want that. Grrrr!
Since I know you, the reader, cannot handle too much new information at one time, I will make that the end of the main point of my blog today. So don't complain that this blog is too long and you don't have time to read it. Nobody likes a whiner! Meowww!
And now this week's joke: Try the latest new product to calm your urges towards Political Fanaticism: PrimariAgra. If, after using this product, you experience an election lasting more than four hours, please call your Ward Leader immediately.
Next week: SuperDelegates vs. the SuperFriends!
Toodle Ew!--Steve
And in any case, who's to say what is "real" anyway. I shall now site examples:
- Most of so-called "Reality" TV is not that real.
- One product claims to be "Real" mayonnaise. Is it?
- One product used to claim be "The Real Thing". Was it?
There. I have sited enough examples. Do not make me site more examples, or I will be mad at you. And you don't want that. Grrrr!
Since I know you, the reader, cannot handle too much new information at one time, I will make that the end of the main point of my blog today. So don't complain that this blog is too long and you don't have time to read it. Nobody likes a whiner! Meowww!
And now this week's joke: Try the latest new product to calm your urges towards Political Fanaticism: PrimariAgra. If, after using this product, you experience an election lasting more than four hours, please call your Ward Leader immediately.
Next week: SuperDelegates vs. the SuperFriends!
Toodle Ew!--Steve
Monday, February 25, 2008
Steve's Blog Part Nominees
Not to be outdone, Steve's Blog is now ready to bring you his own version of the Oscars--Yes, it's the first annual Blogscars.
And the award for Best New Blog goes to: "Steve's Blog! Welcome to My Blog! Monday, October 29, 2007" --Thank you. I'd like to thank anyone that I've ever met, or walked past on the street, or seen in a movie, including the extras that are supposed to be acting nonchalant in the background, yes, especially you. Without you, none of this blog could be possible.
And the award for best parody of a national holiday or observance goes to: "Steve's Blog: Steve's Blog Part Twah! Monday, November 12, 2007"--Thank you again. I'd like to thank Veterans everywhere for making this blog possible. I'd also like to Ferrero Rocher for making those really good Chocolate Hazelnut candies. Those suckers are really good!
And the award for best parody of a VH1 show (well, we're pretty sure that's what he was parodying) goes to: "Steve's Blog: Steve Blog Part Cat! Monday, November 19, 2007"--I'd like to thank reality shows everywhere for keeping it real, just when television was just getting comfortable being good (ZING!) I'd also like to thank the person who came up with the Alt-Tab function on the computer that lets you toggle back and forth between two screens. That can save you a lot of hassle.
And finally, the award for best parody of an award show using a blog and without using too much thinking goes to: "Steve's Blog: Steve's Blog Part Nominees! February 25, 2008"--I'd like to thank my wife and 2 kids, without whom I'd just be a creepy guy in this mid to late '30's, instead of a creepy guy in his mid to late '30's with a wife and two kids.
And a special award for best joke of the week goes to: "There was a guy who didn't like anti-perspirants so much he wanted to ban rolon (hoo hoo hoo!, those who get that joke)"
And now a super special Next Week Achievement Award goes to: "Next Week: Gerunds vs. Participles"
Your local news is next--Steve
And the award for Best New Blog goes to: "Steve's Blog! Welcome to My Blog! Monday, October 29, 2007" --Thank you. I'd like to thank anyone that I've ever met, or walked past on the street, or seen in a movie, including the extras that are supposed to be acting nonchalant in the background, yes, especially you. Without you, none of this blog could be possible.
And the award for best parody of a national holiday or observance goes to: "Steve's Blog: Steve's Blog Part Twah! Monday, November 12, 2007"--Thank you again. I'd like to thank Veterans everywhere for making this blog possible. I'd also like to Ferrero Rocher for making those really good Chocolate Hazelnut candies. Those suckers are really good!
And the award for best parody of a VH1 show (well, we're pretty sure that's what he was parodying) goes to: "Steve's Blog: Steve Blog Part Cat! Monday, November 19, 2007"--I'd like to thank reality shows everywhere for keeping it real, just when television was just getting comfortable being good (ZING!) I'd also like to thank the person who came up with the Alt-Tab function on the computer that lets you toggle back and forth between two screens. That can save you a lot of hassle.
And finally, the award for best parody of an award show using a blog and without using too much thinking goes to: "Steve's Blog: Steve's Blog Part Nominees! February 25, 2008"--I'd like to thank my wife and 2 kids, without whom I'd just be a creepy guy in this mid to late '30's, instead of a creepy guy in his mid to late '30's with a wife and two kids.
And a special award for best joke of the week goes to: "There was a guy who didn't like anti-perspirants so much he wanted to ban rolon (hoo hoo hoo!, those who get that joke)"
And now a super special Next Week Achievement Award goes to: "Next Week: Gerunds vs. Participles"
Your local news is next--Steve
Monday, February 18, 2008
Steve's Blog Part of the Bigger Picture
For this blog, please see my blog about Veteran's Day and replace the words "Veteran's Day" with the words "President's Day". Ok, now I can go to bed.
What, you say that is a cheap trick, and that I should have new material in my blog every blog. You also say that Post-It notes are very useful. Well, after careful deliberation, I agree with you on both counts.
And now, presenting, new material never before seen in Steve's Blog. Material so new it can not be sold in Generic form, and you must buy it in "Brand" form and pay full price, even if you have insurance. Material so fresh it's Superfresh. Material so Giant it's Giant. Material so Genuardi's it's... {we get the joke}.
Ok, here is the new material: Sometimes I have a snack late in the evening, even though I shouldn't. Is this wrong? You make the call.
Ok, that's it for the new material in this week's blog. And now for this week's joke, which may or may not be new. You'll have to guess: Why did the man's life savings get schmeared all over his computer desk? Because he put his money where his mouse is (TEE HEE HEE!)
Coming up next week on Steve's Blog: How every Sudoku puzzle unlocks a secret code that can either change you life.............. or win you a free Happy Meal at Mickey D's.
Asti Spumanti, I mean Asta Manana, I mean cya next week.
What, you say that is a cheap trick, and that I should have new material in my blog every blog. You also say that Post-It notes are very useful. Well, after careful deliberation, I agree with you on both counts.
And now, presenting, new material never before seen in Steve's Blog. Material so new it can not be sold in Generic form, and you must buy it in "Brand" form and pay full price, even if you have insurance. Material so fresh it's Superfresh. Material so Giant it's Giant. Material so Genuardi's it's... {we get the joke}.
Ok, here is the new material: Sometimes I have a snack late in the evening, even though I shouldn't. Is this wrong? You make the call.
Ok, that's it for the new material in this week's blog. And now for this week's joke, which may or may not be new. You'll have to guess: Why did the man's life savings get schmeared all over his computer desk? Because he put his money where his mouse is (TEE HEE HEE!)
Coming up next week on Steve's Blog: How every Sudoku puzzle unlocks a secret code that can either change you life.............. or win you a free Happy Meal at Mickey D's.
Asti Spumanti, I mean Asta Manana, I mean cya next week.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Steve's Blog Part Salt and one Part Pepper
Well, another blog, and so many choices of things to write about. Politics, the Grammy's, Starving Artists, Words that end in "Z"... What's a blogger to do? Well, I think the best thing to do is to start writing and see what comes out. So here goes:
One day the little brown big said to the big brown dog, "Why do all nursery rhymes contain the word "the" somewhere in the story?"
"Woof", said the big brown dog. He wasn't going to talk just because he was in a made up story. He has principles you know. But inside his little mind, the wheels were turning. Whether they were turning fast or slow, we'll never know. If want an answer, then ask Joe Blow.
Suddenly, out from the corner of his eye, the little brown pig caught a glimpse of the future. It was fascinating. "Coming up, on Access Hollywood", the future said, "More stuff to distract you from your own miserable life." And so the future was foretold, to be verified after this commercial break and a celebrity birthday quiz.
Then, slowly, the big brown dog... ran away, never to be see again. Surely this is a metaphor for own lives! Well, it must be, musn't it?! Sure! But what that metaphor is, we'll never guess.
But in an instant the joke of the week appeared: "In United States, we have "Fortune 500". In Russia, we only have MisFortune 500."--Thank you, Mr. Smirnoff
And then, without warning, a preview of next week: Next week, how to expand your vocabulary just by learning new words!
Oink! Oink! Woof! Woof!--Steve
One day the little brown big said to the big brown dog, "Why do all nursery rhymes contain the word "the" somewhere in the story?"
"Woof", said the big brown dog. He wasn't going to talk just because he was in a made up story. He has principles you know. But inside his little mind, the wheels were turning. Whether they were turning fast or slow, we'll never know. If want an answer, then ask Joe Blow.
Suddenly, out from the corner of his eye, the little brown pig caught a glimpse of the future. It was fascinating. "Coming up, on Access Hollywood", the future said, "More stuff to distract you from your own miserable life." And so the future was foretold, to be verified after this commercial break and a celebrity birthday quiz.
Then, slowly, the big brown dog... ran away, never to be see again. Surely this is a metaphor for own lives! Well, it must be, musn't it?! Sure! But what that metaphor is, we'll never guess.
But in an instant the joke of the week appeared: "In United States, we have "Fortune 500". In Russia, we only have MisFortune 500."--Thank you, Mr. Smirnoff
And then, without warning, a preview of next week: Next week, how to expand your vocabulary just by learning new words!
Oink! Oink! Woof! Woof!--Steve
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Steve's Blog Part Super Mardi Gras Double Shot Tue
Well, this blog comes to you a day late (but not a dollar short, because it's still FREE!). Last night, I was, to use the technical term, "pooped". I was so tired that I completely forgot about my blog. Luckily, Paris Hilton left a comment on my last blog posting reminding me that I had forgotten to do the blog. And so today I am writing this blog earlier in the evening to make sure I do it before I go sleepy-pie.
Well, it is a very momentous day. It's Mardi Gras, and it's Super Tuesday. I haven't checked the bars to see if anyone is celebrating, and I haven't checked the election results, so I don't know if anyone is "party"ing. Get it, political party. Hoy Boy! Aren't I great with this topical humor. Maybe they should combine Mardi Gras and the election process. Whichever candidate can get the most beads thrown around their neck wins the race. And anything goes. If the candidates can raise a $100 million for their campaigns, surely they can show a little "sumpin" to win the Presidency. Ya know what I mean, sucka!?
And now we go to Senior Joke Correspondent Dr. Humor for this week's joke: When I get low blood sugar, I start making "Toot" noises and I can't speak. Why, you ask? Because I get Harpo-glycemia. (HA HA HA)
Thanks, Dr. Humor. And now we go to Senior Next Week Correspondent Bob Nextweek: Coming up next week on Steve's blog--How not voting makes you a really swell person. NOT!
Ta Ta for now.
Steve-o
Well, it is a very momentous day. It's Mardi Gras, and it's Super Tuesday. I haven't checked the bars to see if anyone is celebrating, and I haven't checked the election results, so I don't know if anyone is "party"ing. Get it, political party. Hoy Boy! Aren't I great with this topical humor. Maybe they should combine Mardi Gras and the election process. Whichever candidate can get the most beads thrown around their neck wins the race. And anything goes. If the candidates can raise a $100 million for their campaigns, surely they can show a little "sumpin" to win the Presidency. Ya know what I mean, sucka!?
And now we go to Senior Joke Correspondent Dr. Humor for this week's joke: When I get low blood sugar, I start making "Toot" noises and I can't speak. Why, you ask? Because I get Harpo-glycemia. (HA HA HA)
Thanks, Dr. Humor. And now we go to Senior Next Week Correspondent Bob Nextweek: Coming up next week on Steve's blog--How not voting makes you a really swell person. NOT!
Ta Ta for now.
Steve-o
Monday, January 28, 2008
Steve's 2008 State of the Blog Address
Welcome back everyone after a two-week hiatus, due to one sick baby last Monday night that I was holding for most of the evening because she was sick and would not sleep on her own. Said baby ended up missing 4 days of day care, causing her Mommy and Daddy to split missing 4 days of work, except for the extra two hours of work I got in on Thursday morning before I got the call that she had thrown up at day care when we had tried to take her in. But luckily, after two days where she slept a lot, she is now almost back to normal, which means she is now once again a pain to get to sleep. Ah, but vat can u do?
And now it's time for the State of The Blog Address:
And now it's time for the State of The Blog Address:
- My fellow bloggers and Blog readers, we have accomplished many things since the start of Steve's blog last year. We have broken new ground. Rebel Blog forces have been quashed. Blog leaders have been captured!!! (30 second applause)
- Sure we have had some losses. I know there are some readers out there who aren't reading Steve's blog as much as they used to. But that's okay. We shall overcome!!! (30 second applause)
- The Democratic bloggers out there accuse me of using my blog for selfish means. But are these people true Blog-Americans? We are the true Blog-Americans!!! (30 second applause)
- Unlike the President of the United States, I do not have to worry about winning reelection. Even if I lost all of my readers, I could still post my blogs and read them myself. And that is what Blog America is all about. Perserverance!!! (30 second applause)
- In the coming year, I am vowing to stay the course. Sure there may be a stray holiday or a sick baby now and again that prevents me from Blogging. But that doesn't mean you aren't always in my thoughts and prayers. Yes, prayers! I said it. Whoever says that Religion and Blogging should be separate is not a true Blog American!!! (60 second applause).
- And finally, some people say that I should just worry about my own Blog, and not about protecting other Blogs. But what price Blog Freedom?!!! (45 second applause)
Commentary: A moving, yet somewhat predictable State of the Blog Address there from Steve. Surely he did not dissapoint his most ardent fans, and whether he swayed any opinions tonight for those who are on the fence about Steve's Blog, that, as usual, remains to be seen.
We now join this week's joke already in progress: ... And so the guy says to the Nun,
"That's one habit I don't want to break." (HA HA HA)
Until next week, LiveStrongly!
Next week: Must there be 50 ways to leave your lover?
Monday, January 14, 2008
Steve's Blog Part Mid Jan
Yes, blog fans. It's that exciting time of the year that I like to call Mid January. It's the time of year when the holidays are over and all of us who have the day off next Monday are looking forward to Martin Luther King day. It is a time to reflect on things. But then again, it is always a time to reflect on things. And it is a time to enjoy one's family. But then again... (we get the joke).
And now it's time for this week's Humortology Forecast: This month's Humortology sign is Kettle-Corn:
When you wake up in the morning, and you step outside, you'll take a deep breath and you'll get real high, and you'll scream at the top of your lungs, "What's goin' on?"
Later in the day, you'll get the sense that it is later in the day than it was earlier. This is normal. Don't panic. Or at least, if you do panic, Panic with Style.
In the evening, enjoy a Good Book or Book on Tape or Scotch Tape or Hop Scotch or Beer with Hops or Lite Beer or Lite Brite or a Bright, Bright, Bright Sun Shiny Day or a Day Break or Breakfast or Fast Times at Ridgemont High or High School of a School of Fish or Fish Sticks or Stick Ball or (this paragraph will self destruct in 15 seconds). Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick (KABOOM!)
And now, this week's joke: What do you call a Seattle rock band who lives in a pineapple under the sea? GrungeBob SquareCords. (HA HA HA)
Well, buh bye for now. Be good (but not too good).
Next week: How a preposition can be a good thing to end a sentence with.
And now it's time for this week's Humortology Forecast: This month's Humortology sign is Kettle-Corn:
When you wake up in the morning, and you step outside, you'll take a deep breath and you'll get real high, and you'll scream at the top of your lungs, "What's goin' on?"
Later in the day, you'll get the sense that it is later in the day than it was earlier. This is normal. Don't panic. Or at least, if you do panic, Panic with Style.
In the evening, enjoy a Good Book or Book on Tape or Scotch Tape or Hop Scotch or Beer with Hops or Lite Beer or Lite Brite or a Bright, Bright, Bright Sun Shiny Day or a Day Break or Breakfast or Fast Times at Ridgemont High or High School of a School of Fish or Fish Sticks or Stick Ball or (this paragraph will self destruct in 15 seconds). Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick (KABOOM!)
And now, this week's joke: What do you call a Seattle rock band who lives in a pineapple under the sea? GrungeBob SquareCords. (HA HA HA)
Well, buh bye for now. Be good (but not too good).
Next week: How a preposition can be a good thing to end a sentence with.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Steve's Blog Part 2008
Well, hello all, and a happy, healthy 2008 to you all (poo poo! (to ward off the evil eye)). Some of you may have noticed that there was no blog last week. Some of you probably didn't notice at all. Some of you were probably even relieved that there was no blog to read. And some of you even did other things in the past two weeks besides thinking about Steve's blog.
But anyway, the reason that there was no blog last Monday night was because... it was New Year's Eve, baby! Me and the Mrs. and the two kiddies were at a big New Year's Eve bash at one of Svetlana's friend's house. Her hubby is an awesome cook, and he made some bitchin' dishes that were to die for, let me tell you. And there was a Karaoke machine, so we all took turns singing lots of songs from the machine. The machine even kept score as to how well it thought you were singing the song. Many of my scores were highly mediocre, but my best score was an 89 out of 100 on Led Zeppelin's Stairway to Heaven, a song that many of you may have heard of. Svetlana and I even danced to that song at the Sweet 16 party where we met, which was over 19 years ago (can you believe it?). It brought back memories. Svetlana was even getting a little teary-eyed. And both Adam and Amy stayed up until Midnight at the party. And believe or not, Adam fell asleep before Amy. She lasted until the way home, and Adam fell asleep around 12:15 and we had to carry him to the car. We even forgot his sneakers at the party, and I went to go get them a couple of days later when I was in Northeast Philly to get my haircut at Svetlana's aunt's house. And while I was picking up the sneaker's, I got to have some more yummy food from Svetlana's friend's husband. So it wasn't all bad.
So why, you may ask, am I rambling on a lot in this blog. Well, because my co-worker said that I had to make this blog twice as long as a normal blog because I missed last week. And I figured, well, I work with this guy, I had better not disobey him, for fears of retaliation or downright sabotage. So Mr. Coworker, I hope you are satisfied with the length of this blog. If it is not up to your standards, I can always add a few more words to next week's blog to make up the difference. But I am trying as hard as I can to fill up space while trying not to say anything worthwhile. I hope it is working. Also, he said to mention my fear of change. So I just did.
And now, this week's joke: The United States' Political System (HA HA HA). Just think, if Hillary becomes President, by the time she is out of office, Chelsea will be almost old enough to run for President herself. And then she can continue the Clinton legacy (Steve, time to wake up!) Oh, I must have been dreaming, back to the blog.
So many of you may have noticed that this week's blog is not really laugh out loud funny. Maybe more of a light chuckle once in a while kind of blog this week. Well, this has been perfectly designed to ensure the highest good for all. (Well, that's what they always say in all of the Psychobabble books).
Before we go, this week's dumb thought: All of the names of the days of the week contain the word "day".
And now, my New Year's Resolution: 640 x 800.
Later, Y'all.
Next week: How to make a wealth stream just by dumping a lot of money into a small body of water (Get it, Wealth Stream). Hoo Boy!
But anyway, the reason that there was no blog last Monday night was because... it was New Year's Eve, baby! Me and the Mrs. and the two kiddies were at a big New Year's Eve bash at one of Svetlana's friend's house. Her hubby is an awesome cook, and he made some bitchin' dishes that were to die for, let me tell you. And there was a Karaoke machine, so we all took turns singing lots of songs from the machine. The machine even kept score as to how well it thought you were singing the song. Many of my scores were highly mediocre, but my best score was an 89 out of 100 on Led Zeppelin's Stairway to Heaven, a song that many of you may have heard of. Svetlana and I even danced to that song at the Sweet 16 party where we met, which was over 19 years ago (can you believe it?). It brought back memories. Svetlana was even getting a little teary-eyed. And both Adam and Amy stayed up until Midnight at the party. And believe or not, Adam fell asleep before Amy. She lasted until the way home, and Adam fell asleep around 12:15 and we had to carry him to the car. We even forgot his sneakers at the party, and I went to go get them a couple of days later when I was in Northeast Philly to get my haircut at Svetlana's aunt's house. And while I was picking up the sneaker's, I got to have some more yummy food from Svetlana's friend's husband. So it wasn't all bad.
So why, you may ask, am I rambling on a lot in this blog. Well, because my co-worker said that I had to make this blog twice as long as a normal blog because I missed last week. And I figured, well, I work with this guy, I had better not disobey him, for fears of retaliation or downright sabotage. So Mr. Coworker, I hope you are satisfied with the length of this blog. If it is not up to your standards, I can always add a few more words to next week's blog to make up the difference. But I am trying as hard as I can to fill up space while trying not to say anything worthwhile. I hope it is working. Also, he said to mention my fear of change. So I just did.
And now, this week's joke: The United States' Political System (HA HA HA). Just think, if Hillary becomes President, by the time she is out of office, Chelsea will be almost old enough to run for President herself. And then she can continue the Clinton legacy (Steve, time to wake up!) Oh, I must have been dreaming, back to the blog.
So many of you may have noticed that this week's blog is not really laugh out loud funny. Maybe more of a light chuckle once in a while kind of blog this week. Well, this has been perfectly designed to ensure the highest good for all. (Well, that's what they always say in all of the Psychobabble books).
Before we go, this week's dumb thought: All of the names of the days of the week contain the word "day".
And now, my New Year's Resolution: 640 x 800.
Later, Y'all.
Next week: How to make a wealth stream just by dumping a lot of money into a small body of water (Get it, Wealth Stream). Hoo Boy!
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