Steve's Blog Part "Big Apple"

Okay, this week's blog is all about New York. And just so you don't think it is completely off the cuff, I was actually thinking about this bit this morning, and I already came up with two jokes. Admittedly, after that it will be back to cuff status, but let's see what happens.

If New York were settled in the era of game shows, it would be called "IT'S A BRAND NEW... YORK!"

If New York were named by hipsters, it would be called "Brand Spankin' New York!"

If New York were named by Jews, it would be called "Nu? York?"

If New York were named by people who loved words that begin with "Gn" it would be called "Gnu York"........ Good thing it's not.

If New York were filled with vacuum cleaners that cleaned up after Teletubbies, it would be called "Noo-Noo York".

If New York were overtaken by beings from Ork, it could be called "New Mork"

If New York were settled by picky wine makers, it could be called "New Cork"

If New York were settled by animals running on wheels and blocking waterways it could be called "New Hamster Dam"

If New York were overtaken by people from cities like Bombay who loved corned beef it could be called "New Deli"

If New York were dedicated to an Icelandic singer it could be called "New Bjork"

Well, that's all I got for this week. Before I go, I'd like to give a shout out to the person who make the joke comment last week about the Dream of the Blue Turtles. That was very clever.

Program note: There will be no Blog next Monday night as the family and I will be away on vacation. If you like, you can re-read one of my old blogs and delve deeper into its hidden meanings. Or, you could just take it easy.

Later,

Steve

Steve's Blog Part Living the Dream

They say you should live your dreams. If I lived my dreams, I would walk outside in just my underwear and take a test that I haven't studied for all year. Then, in happier times, I would appear in episodes of Seinfeld, Saturday Night Live and David Letterman. Then, I would get endlessly lost in a place that initially seemed like it should be familiar. Then, I would fly across a swimming pool in one leap without touching the water. Sometimes, I would even fly above the houses and trees. I am sure there are other dreams I could live, but I don't remember them right now. I suppose I could keep a dream journal, but... neh.

Here's what some local folks say about dreams: (Well, mostly inside jokes about people at my work, but hopefully they will still be funny to the average Joe or Jane)

Kid at carnival -- I like dreams... and turtles.

G.H. -- I like pre dreams better than post dreams.

M.B. -- What's a dream?

S.G.R.V.S.R. -- I just can't figure out this dream.

C.C. -- I got here too late to dream.

R.C. -- My dreams are vigorous.

G.R. -- This dream should be over in twenty minutes. And then, right on to the next dream. Especially if it's on your WIPP List.

L.F. -- This dream is redikerus!

K.R. -- This dream is the best. Wanna bet?

T.M. -- Oh my God. You will not believe my last dream.

D.D. -- My dream got transferred.

S.G. -- My dream is to end this blog on a high note. LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!

Steve's Blog Part "Did you..."

Did you ever notice?....

...How one sentence with someone can lead to a whole, long conversation.

...The beauty of a rainbow.

...The fun of watching a child eat.

...How bad milk tastes when it is spoiled.

...That copiers always break down.

...That if you take the "H" in Heart and put it at the end, it becomes Earth (my son told me that one).

...That a lot of restaurants have a big, flat panel TV showing CNN for no reason.

...That songs can make you sad, or happy.

...That even numbers seem cooler than odd numbers.

...That blogs can end abruptly.