Okay, let's get right to it, it's Steve's Holiday Spectacular. We've got a lot to get to, so let's go right to our sideline reporter Frank Young. "Frank, is it true that you'll probably stay with Steve's Blog for three or four years or so and then get your own blog, or worse, try your own sitcom?"
"That's right, Steve. You've hit the nail on the head on that hot button topic. Even now, as I say each word, I am painstakingly plotting and preparing to leave your blog."
"Well I do appreciate your candor, Frank. And now on to Jane Thompson, who has a real report for us."
"Thank you, Steve. I am standing here in front of a mall, and, even at this hour, the mall is still open. I could interview someone, Steve, but inevitabley they would just say the same old stuff people always say at this time of year--so I'll just send it back to you, Steve."
"Jane you ignorant reporter. Don't you realize that the mindless person at the mall interview is a staple of Holiday Time news. Without it, the whole fabric of society would break down. Even now, as I am looking at a picture of me and my two older sisters, my oldest sister is already starting to disappear. AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHH."
"This is Kevin Santana stepping in for a moment. I'm at home in my cozy bed sipping some hot chocolate while my cameraman is in front of police headquarters following a rapidly developing story. The upshot is..."
"What, you're not out there live, too. What is this, a revolt? Now the floorboards are starting to break. WAAAAAAAHHHHH!"
"Hello, Mary Caldwell here for a quick look at traffice on the 2 1/2's. As you can see from the traffic cameras, things are pretty congested on the interstate tonight. But me, I'm checking on the situation from my WiFi Internet connection over at Panera Bread, where I've just ordered a Bread Bowl and a gourmet carbonated beverage. Later, I think I'll get a muffin, and perhaps..."
"Panera Bread! Panera Bread! You've got to be kidding me. I'm melting. Melting. Melting..."
AND NOW THE LAST WORD FROM ANDY ROOKNEE: "It's pretty sad when newsmen start melting on camera. Growing up in Rural Countryland, thoughts of metlting newsmen on wacky newscasts was the furthest thing from our mind. Finding some nice berries to pick, or resting under the shade of a nice tree--that was more like it. Nowadays..."
ON THE NEXT ENCORE PRESENTATION OF EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND...
Happy Holidays everyone!
Monday, December 22, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
Steve's Blog Part "Joke"
Today I came up with a joke so good I think it is worthy of being my entire blog, so it can stand on its own as a really good joke.
So here it goes. And I invite your feedback as to whether or not this joke was really worthy of being my entire blog, other than the filler I am typing right now.
So here it goes for real this time:
There is a new Health Insurance plan for people who get stranded on a lagoon.
It's called "Blue Cross, Brooke Shields".
Well, there you have it. Have a good week everyone, and remember this week's inspiration quote: It is only in the darkness that we see the beauty of Christmas lights. (Oooh, deep)
So here it goes. And I invite your feedback as to whether or not this joke was really worthy of being my entire blog, other than the filler I am typing right now.
So here it goes for real this time:
There is a new Health Insurance plan for people who get stranded on a lagoon.
It's called "Blue Cross, Brooke Shields".
Well, there you have it. Have a good week everyone, and remember this week's inspiration quote: It is only in the darkness that we see the beauty of Christmas lights. (Oooh, deep)
Monday, December 1, 2008
Steve's Blog Part "Stream of Consciousness"
Every once in a while it is fun just to do a story right off of ze cuff. So here goes.
One day a man is walking along and suddenly he sees something out of the corner of his eye. He looks, but he is confused about what he sees. He goes into a state of shock, and it is only through the grace of some neon lights in the distance that he regains his mojo. He picks up his cell phone and dials one of his closest confidants, a man with whom he has had many adventures. A man so fine they can't even call him Crackerjack, for fear of fear itself. A man so chock full of goodness he could be a candy bar. A man with a plan so fierce he could be a tiger, the kind you would see on Safari or something.
Ok, it is time to take a break from our story to put in some fishies for dinner tomorrow. I'll be back in a minute. Ok, I'm back. I set my alarm for precisely 10:54 PM. We'll see if I finish this blog before the fishies are done. And now back to the story.
What these men didn't know was that far across the desert plains, in that place that has a lot of deserts, another man was thinking about something that could change the force of history. But unfortunately, this narrator was not privy to that information. We tried to talk the man into telling us, but he wouldn't budge. So, just to spite him, he is cut out of this story.
Let that be a lesson to all of you. Give it up for the narrator, or out of the story you go. Anyway, where were we. Oh yeah, it was now 3 in the afternoon, much later than it had been before. This is significant only insofar as that time was still a factor in this equation. If time had stopped, it would be a completely different story altogether.
By now, some of you will quit reading the blog after this sentence. For those who wish to continue, here's more of the story.
Sally, a person about whom we have not heard yet in this story, could in fact be the story's most important person, because it is she alone who knows 150 gifts to get any woman that will be a surefire bet. She also knows how to get the best pair of shoes at a great price. And she also knows that Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner--because she saw Dirty Dancing, back in the day.
Even more of you have now given up on this blog. For the two of you who still remain, here is the final chapter in the story.
Finally, all of the main characters would meet in a place that they wouldn't have expected to meet--a Mailboxes Etc. store. It was there that the briefcases were exchanged, as well as pleasantries, some recipes, as well as business cards. Some even exchanged phone numbers. Some even promised to check out each other's Facebook accounts. All went as planned, and everyone lived to see another day.
By now, surely everyone has tired of this blog and has moved on. So surely these last couple sentences are purely for my own enjoyment.
Steve, I've known you all my life. You make me laugh, you make me cry, but through it all, you've stood by--well, actually you've stood in the exact same spot as me, because you are me. What I'm trying to say is, Steve, I couldn't have done it without you. And don't you forget it.
Ooh, the fishies alarm just went off. Ok, ta ta for now.
One day a man is walking along and suddenly he sees something out of the corner of his eye. He looks, but he is confused about what he sees. He goes into a state of shock, and it is only through the grace of some neon lights in the distance that he regains his mojo. He picks up his cell phone and dials one of his closest confidants, a man with whom he has had many adventures. A man so fine they can't even call him Crackerjack, for fear of fear itself. A man so chock full of goodness he could be a candy bar. A man with a plan so fierce he could be a tiger, the kind you would see on Safari or something.
Ok, it is time to take a break from our story to put in some fishies for dinner tomorrow. I'll be back in a minute. Ok, I'm back. I set my alarm for precisely 10:54 PM. We'll see if I finish this blog before the fishies are done. And now back to the story.
What these men didn't know was that far across the desert plains, in that place that has a lot of deserts, another man was thinking about something that could change the force of history. But unfortunately, this narrator was not privy to that information. We tried to talk the man into telling us, but he wouldn't budge. So, just to spite him, he is cut out of this story.
Let that be a lesson to all of you. Give it up for the narrator, or out of the story you go. Anyway, where were we. Oh yeah, it was now 3 in the afternoon, much later than it had been before. This is significant only insofar as that time was still a factor in this equation. If time had stopped, it would be a completely different story altogether.
By now, some of you will quit reading the blog after this sentence. For those who wish to continue, here's more of the story.
Sally, a person about whom we have not heard yet in this story, could in fact be the story's most important person, because it is she alone who knows 150 gifts to get any woman that will be a surefire bet. She also knows how to get the best pair of shoes at a great price. And she also knows that Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner--because she saw Dirty Dancing, back in the day.
Even more of you have now given up on this blog. For the two of you who still remain, here is the final chapter in the story.
Finally, all of the main characters would meet in a place that they wouldn't have expected to meet--a Mailboxes Etc. store. It was there that the briefcases were exchanged, as well as pleasantries, some recipes, as well as business cards. Some even exchanged phone numbers. Some even promised to check out each other's Facebook accounts. All went as planned, and everyone lived to see another day.
By now, surely everyone has tired of this blog and has moved on. So surely these last couple sentences are purely for my own enjoyment.
Steve, I've known you all my life. You make me laugh, you make me cry, but through it all, you've stood by--well, actually you've stood in the exact same spot as me, because you are me. What I'm trying to say is, Steve, I couldn't have done it without you. And don't you forget it.
Ooh, the fishies alarm just went off. Ok, ta ta for now.
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